This weekend I saw a small child pooping a public park while her parents stood guard. They didn’t do a very good job at their assigned task because I saw the child’s naked ass without even trying.

Don’t get me wrong. I get it. Kids gotta do what they gotta do sometimes. One of my mom’s favorite stories to tell new friends is about the time I was 3, we were on a roadtrip, and I forced us to pull over in the desert so my dad could dangle me out the back door of the minivan, while I peed into the wind.

I get it. Kids gotta get their shit together. But this child was pooping in a public park sandwiched between two restaurants, across the street from a Starbucks. That park was public as fuck. All they had to do was buy a Tazo tea and then no one had to see poop leaving a butt before noon.

What I’m saying is, I never would have let that happen. What I’m saying is, I think I’m ready to have a baby. ;)

Popular birth control pill Loestrin® has announced a new campaign to promote safer and healthier sexual practices for a younger generation by combining forces with some of Hollywood’s top celebrities. This June they will launch their largest campaign to date featuring the following famous faces:

Kim Kardashian:

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Courtney Love:

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Whoopi Goldfinger:

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A Woman on Fire:

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Casey Anthony:

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Joan of Arc:

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David Spade:

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Christy Coffey:

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An advisory from the company includes a risk of side effects, which may include temporary psychosis, but a statement from Loestrin’s ® President Mr. Peanut says “definitely, probably not tho.”

sorry im late, i had a thing…